Every week, we’ll be recapping who had sex and who died on the last episode of “Game of Thrones.” Spoiler alert: This article consists entirely of spoilers.
Episode two had us still easing into the fifth season and setting up the chess pieces in Westeros. This means that at the Maxim.com Death and Sex Counter, we thirst for more action.
Deaths: 2 (Total Deaths This Season: 4)
1. While Brienne of Tarth and her homeboy Podrick Payne are riding through the woods and lurking after Sansa and Littlefinger, they’re ambushed. Brienne, ever the badass, plunges a sword straight through the attacker’s neck, and we’re treated to the back view of the blade as it tears through the unlucky assailants' artery.
2. A Son of the Harpy -- the guy responsible for the Unsullied's death in last week’s Death and Sex Counter -- was found slumped against a wall outfitted in his golden mask...and a nail right through him. In a very serial-killer-esque move, “Kill All Masters” was painted in his own blood behind his dead body, the amateur street artist being a freed Mereen slave. He appeals to Dany, who was saving the Son of the Harpy for a fair trial, but she turns justice right back on him. She and her soldiers drag him out in front of a crowd of cheering, adoring Mereens. When they realize her intention is to execute him, they beg for mercy. It was Daario Nahaaris with the scythe who beheads him, and the crowd turns against Dany and her squad -- hissing and rock-throwing commences.
Sex: 0 (Total Sex Acts This Season: 0)
Oof, we’re in week two of no freaking. This season’s feeling a little flaccid if you catch our drift. (*Winks creepily*)
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